Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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