I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
