They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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