you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
