I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
