I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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