Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
