does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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