Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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