so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Panties = found
Randomize
