So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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