can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
