just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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