All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
