I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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