If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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