I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
