i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
