I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
