My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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