STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
