But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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