You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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