She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
