If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
