He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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