i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
