No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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