Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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