Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
