Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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