I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize