well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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