I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
