just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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