Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish i was in the wii world.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
