Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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