everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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