I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
