Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
