She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
