he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
