Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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