And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
