I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
