Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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