Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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