i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
