my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
