god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
