fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
