Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
