Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
