Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
