U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
