Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
