He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
