my vag is so smooth its legendary
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
