Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
