I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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