who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
